No Voice

One of my scariest nightmares when I was growing up involved me being unable to scream or move. I must have been seven or eight years old. I still sported the bowl cut that my mother was so fond of and which gave me so much grief when I was sporting it.

 I was at some sporting event. Alone. And some bad man was trying to kidnap me. I was in the part of the stadium where one can buy drinks and snacks for the game. There was plenty of people walking around me as I stood in, what seems to me, the cavernous space. All I could see was the evil man and I knew that I could not stop him. My heart was racing in a clear sign of the fight or flight response. I tried to move, but it was as if my feet were glued to the concrete floor. I tried screaming hoping that someone would hear me and stop to save me. I jerked awake. I don't know how the story ends. I do know that I was always afraid of being ripped away from my parents and carried away into the unknown by some stranger as exemplified in this dream that I can still vividly picture.

Recently, though, I know that I hate the idea of not being heard and think that the dream also may have been my subconscious trying to clue me into that fact.

These days I don't have nightmares of this caliber anymore. But, I do know that it is frustrating to not be able to voice a fear or anything that emits stress in one's life or when someone does want to help you but can't seem to grasp the situation from your point of view. When they perceive a problem that doesn't bother you it almost makes the situation worse because it is almost like they don't take heed of what your saying because it lacks import. Disconnect in conversation can really mess up the perspectives of both interlocutors and  nullify anything said in the conversation, making it pointless. I need to just keep reminding myself that I do have a voice I just need to know how to use it so that someone will listen.