What's a girl to do?

How does one decide what they should do? I don't mean this for the small things like "what I should eat for dinner." But, for the big things like "what job do I want to pursue."

Part of me really hates having options, unless they are not discernibly different to an outsider. Furthermore, after my fiasco of an adventure in South Korea I am hesitant to accept a job anywhere without lots of research. All the research does is suppress my unbridled enthusiasm and slap me in the face with too much reality. After all, travelers who learn too much about their journey tend to not make the journey because of the inherent risks involved in travel.

Having gotten a job offer in a part of the world where I have yearned to work for longer than I can remember, I don't know if I can bring myself to make a decision either way. The job sounds fantastic. I would be teaching preschoolers from Monday to Friday at a school that looks like a great place to work. I just won't get any money. And one of the reasons I want to teach english is to be able to see the world, which involves travel. Which takes money. Plus, I found out that there are a lot of blackouts, which affects the distribution of running water to homes on the island where I want to go. This sort of disables a person from, oh I don't know, cooking, bathing, etc. I have to expect that in a third world country I won't have everything I am accustomed to, but this also isn't supposed to be like working in the Peace Corps where I don't expect many, if any, creature comforts. I guess I could always look for another job abroad, but what if one doesn't come along as right for me as this one?

My other option of course is getting another job that makes me feel completely useless and under-utilized until I go back to school to take some more courses to open my way to different opportunities in graduate school.

Option three would be to hope that I could find an internship that might be able to help me find out what I would like to do for a future career, while also paying me to work for them. Free labor doesn't sit right with me.

Making decisions is stressful. I really don't understand how people do it with seeming ease. Any help, including information, would be beneficial and appreciated.

TEFL Course Graduate

As a new TEFL course graduate I would like to thank all of the little people for all of their support for me during my endeavors.

But really the course I took was awful. Not because of the course itself, but because of the instructor. He was a complete joke and in no way do I feel comfortable recommending this particular school to anyone in case they must be taught by Hugh.

Let me explain my extreme dislike for his teaching methods:

1) He never answered a question satisfactorily.
2) Often times he would ignore questions asked by students and did not like when students asked him questions.
3) He lacked any kind of social skills needed to be an inspiring teacher (or really a human being).
4) After I would teach a lesson he never gave good critiques that would help me in the future.
5) He did not respect personal space even after someone mentioned it to him.
6) He was the most disorganized person in the world and would forget to tell students of time changes in the written schedule he gave us.

All in all I am happy to have the somewhat useless piece of paper telling the world that I passed this course, but it was rough going.

Even with all of this negativity I am very happy that I got to spend time in France meeting loads of different people (mostly from Sweden). This cohort of mine enjoyed my last week together at the reservoir hanging out and eating cheese. Some also consumed some wine. And generally having a good time together at a bar, on the Promenade de Charles de Gaulle, by the lake... wherever we found ourselves really. In essence a perfect ending to a month fraught with a frustrating teacher.

Jesus Christ

Why do the Jesus freaks flock to me like mosquitoes do?  Over a week ago I met one of my neighbors in the dorm. She is a French girl who comes from right outside of Nice and is studying to be a midwife. When we talked she basically told me her entire life story filled with lots of drugs because her father, a protestant pastor, cheated on her mom and then moved to Africa to preach there. Then she went to a Protestant camp during the summer months years later and was locked in her room with only a bible and her school books because she had been kicked out of camp but could not leave for some reason. Well, everyone that is where she found Jesus. 

That is right she is a born again Christian. Whaaaaattt?!?!?! I left the Bible Belt… why are they following me to France, where most of the population is supposedly not religious? I suppose I should have foreseen something like this since I am staying in the dorms for the school of Protestant Theology, but she doesn't even go to the school! Along with the people who left me with Gideon’s Bible I am just really confused. I guess my soul radiates the blackness of a true atheist and draws all of the evangelical Christians to me like moth to a flame (although I can’t devour them like the poor flame can). 

I was really uncomfortable because it is great that she found a religion that works for her. I just don't share her opinions of the workings of the universe. I told her that I had to leave and call my mom via skype which I won’t be able to do until Monday. I just wanted her to stop talking about Jesus’ love and how much she wanted me to experience that as well one day. Yikes!

Long Time Coming

It’s official. I have arrived in Paris and I am waiting for the TGV to Montpellier.  Although the trip started out with a huge dose of stress, it now seems very doable.  On arrival at the airport I was told that my flight from home to Detroit was delayed which would make me completely miss my flight to France. Upon hearing this delightful information my stomach started knotting. I had to get to France so that I can get into my room in Montpellier. 

Well the nice Delta employee found another option for me and it turned out to be a much nicer one than my first. I would fly to Atlanta and then take a flight to France. But, I would get to ride in Business Class. Wow. Life changer. Those seats lie back. I slept a lot more than I would have been able to in coach. 

I also really enjoyed comparing the complementary things that Air France and Korean Air gives you on the long international flights. On my Korean air flight they gave the passengers slippers and a toothbrush and toothpaste. Air France on the other hand gave us socks (they were hideous brown things), an anti-wrinkle cream, a shoehorn, a small comb, toothbrush and toothpaste, and earplugs. I wonder if the difference lies in the change from economy to business class…. That curtain separating the two sections of the plane brings amazing benefits to those in business class.

I have finally reached Montpellier. My train was an hour and thirty minutes late so they are going to repay me the time spent waiting. Awesome? Why yes it is. My first night I stayed in a hotel, which was nice but didn’t have any bells and whistles. This morning I came to the Protestant School of Theology and am now officially installed in my French digs. I really like my room. It is small and cell like but the bed is pretty comfortable and there is a private bathroom attached to it. It looks very European and not much like my dorm rooms in the U.S. except for the Spartan furnishings.

It is interesting how the school sets up the kitchen. It is somewhat industrial and there are lockers for everyone to store their food and anything else they need to produce a meal. There are three refrigerators and in each one the number of the bedroom is on a little plastic tub for people to store their perishables in. The grounds of the school of Theology are very nice. There is a small garden where we can eat if we so choose and there is a library where we can work if we want. Also there are a couple of recreation rooms which although slightly pathetic and shabby looking I would not hesitate to use in a pinch.

As far as the city itself is concerned I do not think I like it as much as some American cities as far as looks are concerned. But, it does have a charming personality. The city center, according to the guidebook affectionately known as the egg because of it’s shape, is really beautiful. I will explore more and make another report and hopefully have some pictures to share. 

France and Underpants

As my new adventure looms largely on my horizon, nervousness has been seeping into my thoughts and manifests itself in my dreams. Salman Rushdie in Midnight's Children picks a wonderful simile to describe the feelings that I have been experiencing:"There are moments of terror, but they go away. Panic like a bubbling sea-beast comes up for air, boils on the surface, but eventually returns to the deep" (36).

Tonight, I am finally cleaning up my room so that I can start the arduous task of packing which I always find to be quite traumatic. After reading different blogs on the internet I am nervous that all of my belongings will be stolen when I am in Europe. I don't know if I should wear a money pouch or not. I mean, it seems silly. I think Ken Follet really was onto something in World Without End when he wrote "It was said that pilgrims should not spend too much time planing their journey, for they might learn of so many hazards that they would decide not to go"(60). All the criminals supposedly running around all of Europe on a mission to steal from me must be partial fiction. Just be careful and use common sense and my property should be fine...right? I really hope so, but find myself unsure of this unanswerable question. I mean how to locals deal with this (even though I am sure to be a dead ringer of a tourist)?

I also don't know how much clothes to bring. My inclination is to bring everything possible (what if there is a freak snow storm, I might need that ski jacket while traipsing around Southern France in June, I might just need three weeks of underwear, what if I really do need high heels...just in case). But, rational thoughts do present themselves, sometimes, so I also feel the need to pack light. I just hope I don't leave something behind that would be useful. Well, I guess here is to hoping!

I am also a little nervous because of the neurotic planner that I am. My trip is very sparsely planned out as far as itinerary is concerned. What do I do after my course for living arrangements and where should I go on my trip... or will I have a trip? Maybe it will be a job! Yep... the unknown has always been scary to me.

Believe me, even though I drag my feet in masterful procrastination, if I do say so myself, I am glad to be leaving my parent's house. Although, I love being here with my parents I can't help but notice my general lack of joie-de-vivre here. I stopped caring about cleaning somewhere around the 3 month that I starting living here again without a very specific plan to leave quickly. It amazes me just how much I think I need a change of pace to try and regain some happiness that my autonomous self gained in college and even in South Korea. Onwards and upwards, of course with the safety net of returning if I once again fail.

TEFL Take Two

Well, I finally did it. I did the research, with a couple of false starts. But, I prevailed. I found an accredited TEFL program in France. Montpellier to be exact. The name of the program through which I will be getting certified is The Language House. This is their website: http://www.teflanguagehouse.com/tefl-france-montpellier/.

I am extremely excited to try teaching english again. I hope that taking this course will help me be more prepared for the classroom. Frankly, in South Korea I didn't know what to expect.

I leave in June for the sunny south of France where I will take a class teaching me about pedagogy as well as give me an opportunity to teach classes while being observed. Perfect. This is just what I need.

On my enrollment the program suggested that I read four books before my arrival. I have only started one of these books and it already seems unnecessary. Most of what the books contain are common sense ideas about language learning. The most helpful sections for me provide me with vocabulary to use when discussing the pedagogy involved. The practical sections that show how the language should be taught seem obvious. When reading the material I find all of the tricks that my foreign language teachers used in the classes that I took in middle school through university. However, I still feel the need to read this material just in case. For example, I have not read any chapters on lesson plans yet. That might come in handy when I need to create a lesson plan for the first time.

Since the course I am taking is closing in I am getting wary of the experience. I am so excited to start on this new adventure, but, still hesitant because of my last failed attempt.

A change of pace will be good regardless. As a retail associate and busboy/ hostess I sometimes feel like I am not living up to my potential. Or at least I am not living up to my expectation for myself. If I worked these jobs on the side of a "big girl" job I would feel much better about them.

So the countdown begins. Here's to hoping that this new adventure provides me with more satisfactory results then the last.

Back of the House

Currently, one of my part-time jobs is working in a restaurant as a busboy.  I have learned a lot through this experience. It surprises me how some people decide, and yes most of these individuals conscientiously made the decision, to live there life. Many conversations that take place in the back of the house while I roll silverware revolve around drug experiences or getting arrested. It sort of stinks because I can't really bring much to the table in such conversations, never having used drugs recreationally nor having been arrested for anything.

I get the feeling that some of the other workers feel that I am a spoiled rich girl who doesn't know anything about the "real world." Being me, I try to involve myself in these seemingly endless conversations by asking questions. I guess they take this as complete ignorance about the workings of the world. But, to be clear, I don't consider myself rich, let's be honest if I was I don't think I would deign to work as a busboy. I know that my family is well off, however, I am not trying to suck my parents dry either. I want to move out of the house and pay my own way without any help, and, I think, most people in the United States would wish for the same thing from life: to be financially sufficient and, dream big, successful. Of course everyone has a different definition of what is successful. I just want to be able to give a child the same life experience my parent's gave me, if I ever choose to become a parent. 

 As far as being spoiled goes, I definitely am. I have the world's greatest parents, who undeniably saved me from the time of my birth and gave me all the love, plus much more, that anyone could ask for. Sorry coworkers, my parent's have done right by me and I am not satisfied to sit on my laurels until I have done right by them by getting a job worthy of the time, money, education, and everything else they put into my upbringing. 

The knowledge of the "real world" I find to be quite objective anyway. I mean, I don't find that everyone should be arrested at some point in there life or that everyone uses drugs, or at least smokes cigarettes. If people want to indulge in illicit substances, I believe they should be able to as long as it doesn't negatively affect those surrounding them. Frankly, in my experience and the experiences of those close to me, many times these actions do negatively affect those close to you (second hand smoke anyone?). 

I hope I don't come off as sanctimonious and overly judgmental, many of my co-workers can be very nice, funny and knowledgeable people, I just wouldn't choose the same lifestyle. Although, I do tend to advertise the fact that I graduated from university even though none of my co-workers have, I feel slightly embarrassed mentioning this to them. But, I shouldn't have to be uncomfortable, just like they shouldn't be apologetic about their way of life. 

With possibly wanting to go into public health as a career option, I might be in trouble if people find me to be too out of the know or overly pretentious. I hope that I am just paranoid, but I think this job is helping me see how to comport myself, and how to be culturally sensitive, when talking to someone from a different background than myself. 

Chicken Poop

Why I love Chicken Poop:

1) Environmentally responsible company (or at least this is what they claim on their website)

2) Awesome ingredients! No, worries. It contains no poop.

3) When you put it on your lips you want to scream "Eureka! I've found it." It meaning the perfect chapstick.

4) The name is hilarious.

5) It is even better than Burt's Bees. Whoa... hold up. It is better than Burt's Bees?  Totally.

6) In short it is some good shit.

If you can, get some chicken poop for yourself! It is life changing. And, in case you are wondering, no, I never kid about the important things like chapstick. This is the best chapstick I have ever put on my lips.

Round Two

Maybe my outlook on life has been bleak these past few of months since I last updated the blog. Oh alright. My outlook has been completely bleak. To be fair, it is that time of year when I wish that the month of February, looming ominously on the horizon, would just disappear. But, I do think my general malaise stems from a deeper place than discontent with the weather and the lack of green grass.

I feel stuck in one place. Paradoxically, I feel adrift at the same time, without a mooring. I have no long term goal for myself-- I mean I am trying to complete a 100 Things to Do Before I Die list but I mean a career goal. This drives me absolutely crazy. I can't work towards something if I don't know what that something is.

On the upside, I now have two part time jobs instead of one. So, hopefully, with this small increase in capital I might be able to explore more options. I guess the time soon arrives to spend money to make money. But, I simply can't decide where to spend that money. So here are the options:

A) ESL teaching certificate. So I can go forth and conquer through teaching. But, this brings questions of which program should I utilize? And how will I pay for lodging during the classes? I am starting to understand the general appeal of socialism. Money is evil (unless you have plenty of course and then it is simply wonderful). But I digress.

B) Taking pre-med classes at the state university because I am interesting in pursuing public health and possibly medicine, both of which would allow me to travel abroad in the long run (Doctor's Without Borders etc...) if I so choose.

The theme? I want to travel and meet new people while seeing and experiencing exciting new things. Any suggestions for jobs that might facilitate this lifestyle either directly or indirectly? Any leads would be appreciated.

I mean this is why Korea sounded so appealing at the outset. And, even though, Korea ended poorly, I was, on the whole, content in Korea because I felt needed and like I was performing a "big girl" job. Not  a task I could perform without the help of a bachelor's degree. I was living alone and trying to achieve something. I even went so far as to purchase a, partial, new wardrobe resplendent with two suits and other attire appropriate for a young woman keen on making a professional impression.  The fact that I spent the money to at least appear like a professional proves to me that I need to try again. I want to be considered a professional (uhhhh but what kind)

I am in no way adverse to the "real" world. I am just confused about how to get another exciting job that won't explode in my face. Here goes Round Two. Hopefully this round won't be a knock-out like the first. So bad analogy. I guess this has to be a new fight instead of just a new round. Whatever.

Reading The Stone Diaries by Carrol Shields I found my new notion to live by:

"In one day I had altered my life: my life, therefore was alterable" (233).

My life needs altering. Here it goes.