As my new adventure looms largely on my horizon, nervousness has been seeping into my thoughts and manifests itself in my dreams. Salman Rushdie in Midnight's Children picks a wonderful simile to describe the feelings that I have been experiencing:"There are moments of terror, but they go away. Panic like a bubbling sea-beast comes up for air, boils on the surface, but eventually returns to the deep" (36).
Tonight, I am finally cleaning up my room so that I can start the arduous task of packing which I always find to be quite traumatic. After reading different blogs on the internet I am nervous that all of my belongings will be stolen when I am in Europe. I don't know if I should wear a money pouch or not. I mean, it seems silly. I think Ken Follet really was onto something in World Without End when he wrote "It was said that pilgrims should not spend too much time planing their journey, for they might learn of so many hazards that they would decide not to go"(60). All the criminals supposedly running around all of Europe on a mission to steal from me must be partial fiction. Just be careful and use common sense and my property should be fine...right? I really hope so, but find myself unsure of this unanswerable question. I mean how to locals deal with this (even though I am sure to be a dead ringer of a tourist)?
I also don't know how much clothes to bring. My inclination is to bring everything possible (what if there is a freak snow storm, I might need that ski jacket while traipsing around Southern France in June, I might just need three weeks of underwear, what if I really do need high heels...just in case). But, rational thoughts do present themselves, sometimes, so I also feel the need to pack light. I just hope I don't leave something behind that would be useful. Well, I guess here is to hoping!
I am also a little nervous because of the neurotic planner that I am. My trip is very sparsely planned out as far as itinerary is concerned. What do I do after my course for living arrangements and where should I go on my trip... or will I have a trip? Maybe it will be a job! Yep... the unknown has always been scary to me.
Believe me, even though I drag my feet in masterful procrastination, if I do say so myself, I am glad to be leaving my parent's house. Although, I love being here with my parents I can't help but notice my general lack of joie-de-vivre here. I stopped caring about cleaning somewhere around the 3 month that I starting living here again without a very specific plan to leave quickly. It amazes me just how much I think I need a change of pace to try and regain some happiness that my autonomous self gained in college and even in South Korea. Onwards and upwards, of course with the safety net of returning if I once again fail.
